Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
