so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
