you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
