his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
