Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
