The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
