I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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