I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
