Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
