Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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