Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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