first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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