Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
PANTIES FOUND
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
