I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
