I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i drank out of a bidet.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
