I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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