My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
