I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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