Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
