When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
