I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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