So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
