Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
