Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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