I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
