Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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