The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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