im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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