are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
