It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
