I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
