I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
