I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
