"it" just moved
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
