We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
