I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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