Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
