READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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