are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
