I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
