dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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