I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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