I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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