I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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