btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
