Fine. I'll sleep in my office
apparently the secret to your success is patron
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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