i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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