I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
