oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just forgot I was standing up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
