OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
