mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
