Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
