I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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