ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize