All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
