so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
