so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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