I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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