I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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