she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We got so high we made milksteak
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
