know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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