If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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