Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
