We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
