I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
