8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
