I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
