Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
