My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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