so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
