I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She is in my trunk
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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